Big NBA Day

Some random thoughts during the fourth quarter of Game 2 of the Jazz-Spurs series:

I still cannot understand how the NBA decided to pick David Blaine as the pitch man for the NBA playoffs. The little rip-off commericals with Jeremy Piven of the too awesome for words Don Cheadle NFL playoff commercials from a few years ago are bad enough. ("The small Canadian man may look like he's auditioning for a Dockers commerical until he beats you off the dribble and goes inside"? Uggghh. I would be frightened if Steve Nash ever made it into a Dockers commerical, and you know what? Entourage sucks. It really does. It's boring, Jeremy. And I don't like the way these commercials are being filmed or the way you're so greasy and smug.)

But David Blaine? DAVID BLAINE? He is the MOST BORINGLY SKETCHY/SKETCHILY BORING person in THIS COUNTRY. Nay, the world! The ads kind of scare me. Especially the one where he has the dolphins talking to each other. I feel dumber just having listened to it. I want to watch basketball, not feel somewhat violated by a "magician" who doesn't blink.

Wilbon said it best the other day in the Post: when has an NBA team worthy of the word "dynasty" being attached to their name, had their biggest star be an actress? Wilbon and Simmons have both written in the past two weeks on how wildly underrated Tim Duncan is and just how good the Spurs are. I mean, I like the Spurs. But seriously. They have a French point guard, Tim Duncan--the best and dorkiest player in the league, a really tall soccer player from Argentina (more on that in a sec), and a lot of role players ranging from Big Shot Rob to Bruce "Chippy" Bowen.

A word on tattoos: I am fascinated by Tim Duncan's back shoulder tattoo. I often find myself wondering what it is, how he decided he needed a tattoo, what he says about it. Carlos Boozer has some good tattoos. He's also wearing good sneekers and is hot in a sort of vaguely threatening way.

Kirilenko and Ginobli go head to head in the international flopping olympics. This is why we really don't need soccer in this country (though I wish we did), because, now, we have faster paced soccer with more scoring and tattoos. AK hooks Ginobli. AK's faux-hawk it probably beating the old bald spot, which is also fasicnating like Tim's tattoo.

Okay, here in minutes 4 to 2 in the fourth, there have been a ridiculous amount of turnovers, poor shooting, and dumb fouls.

Dear. God. Sprite. What. The. Hell. "Sublymonal" advertising...I really don't understand. I mean, I can say that at least it's not dorky like the Gatorade Rain ad where Peyton Manning grows out of a football. Haaaate. Anyway, I don't get the weirdness of the ads. And how LeBron James got mixed up in this acid trip. Seriously, when I think of Sprite, I used to think of a crisp, refreshing, caffeine-free alternative to Cola which always liked less than 7-Up. Now, I think of alarming, technicolor animals prancing around with strange painting and electrucution. Compare that with the all-natural campaign 7-Up's been running. It's like they saw the wholesome, funny ads and were like, "Oh, hell, whatever. Where's that INSANE intern with the Mac we fired last month? Get him in here." And we're back and ESPN is doing the "brought to you by" bit: "SPRITE. Sublymonal advertising. Thank you. And obey." You're not welcome. I said no thank you, sir.

Matt Harping sort of looks like Matt Damon. Manu Ginobli looks quite a bit like one of the brothers who own this Italian restaurant we go to a lot. Good point to mention: Mehmet Okur is this year's winning entry in the Least Likely Name for a White Person Annual Competition. I realize he's foreign, but still.

Utah has the third best record at home. This is not surprising. It must be rather alarming to play there. I've never seen so many white people, wearing baby blue in my life. Thank god they didn't go the Miami route and force white shirts upon people--thus giving the entire stadium a white zombie-ish vibe.

"Poppovich and his star talking there; they have a special relationship. The only coach Duncan has ever had." Cut to a fantastic shot of Poppovich's back as he stands over a sitting Duncan. Nice job, guys. Michelle Tafoya must be a giantess, or on a platform, or in some hooker's pumps. She comes up to Duncan's shoulder. He's 7 feet. That makes her...almost six feet tall? Damn.

They keep replaying the last few picks from the lottery. I watched that tonight after eagerly anticipating it all day. My least favorite part: when they introduced the rep for one team, who was a COO but ESPN's host or whatever announced that this seemingly harmless man had been with the Wizards when they drafted Kwame Brown number one. CAN'T GET AWAY FROM THAT ONE, CAN WE? What was that, ESPN, punishment? Do you hate us, ESPN? Kevin Durant said it himself, he never really had a team growing up because he grew up here, and if we're being honest with ourselves we all kind of denied that we even had a basketball team except when MJ first came back and then Gil finally brought us back some glory. I apologize; I mispoke. "Back" implies that the Bullets/Wizards were at one point good. That would be false.

Also, bad: the Celtics. Sad, sad day for them. They are God-awful and needed a top two pick. It feels likely that they'll make an ill-advised decision like drafting Yi Jianlin. This seems likely. Unless Chicago moves up for him...I feel like Joakim Noah is a good choice for them. Plus, I'd love to see him with an already good team.

Anyway, The Good: Memphis not getting a top three pick. I would have seriously cried if they had gotten Oden or Durant. The Bulls getting the Knicks pick. The expressions of Brandon Roy and that guy from the Sonics after Dominique Wilkins and Atlanta got the third pick (I am positive that they will not use it to draft Conley. That would make way too much sense. They may pick up Acie Law, though). They were visibly like "HEE. WINNER. WINNER. WINNER. HEE." So, anyway, Portland and Seattle. A fine day for the Pacific Northwest, I guess.