Heyyyy Thurrr, It's Been a Month!

So, another month goes by and another Torch article comes out and, like the Backstreet Boys so immortally put it, that's basically all I have to give right now. Really, my life is boring anyway (I'm literally listening to "Total Eclipse of the Heart," drinking Cherry Coke Zero, and resting my elbow on Shakespeare I don't want to read. Thrilling! Scintillating!)

But, on the bright side, it's another Conservative Living Guide and it features, once again, my making fun of conservatives / myself for 1200 words, and a little mocking of the Liberals. So, onto "Giving of Thanks: The Conservative's Guide to Thanksgiving." (If you want to see a list of the obscure pop culture references, go to the full post.)

Winona Ryder films: The Crucible (featuring her as a more heinous bitch than anyone found in Heathers) and Little Women, which doesn't actually concern the pilgrims, per se, but it does concern really white people in New England, who certainly wouldn't have been there without the pilgrims.

Sydney Poitier and Katharine Houghton: Guess Who's Coming Over to Dinner...please, check out this Designing Women clip for further jokes.

Colors of the wind: Obvious joke. I apologize.

"We must give thanks for Macy’s rampant consumerism and for its true embodiment of the American spirit: the ability to make giant balloons shaped like Garfield and fly them down the street." This was Douglas's joke. I give credit where credit be due.

Hmm, this one was a little sparse on the pop culture references. This is probably because I wrote it the morning we sent it to the publishers.