LIVE BLOG: An Inconvenient Truth

Running Commentary as it appeared in the Vanderbilt Torch Dec. 2006

I held two convictions going into An Inconvenient Truth: I believe that global warming is happening, and I do not like Al Gore. Both of these convictions were affirmed by the film. And thus, I present this, my running commentary:

7:10 - The film is introduced by a woman with a completely awesome Scottish accent. I decide that I will hence refer to Al Gore as Albert.

7:11 - The first words of the film: “You notice a river flowing gently...” Oh, Jesus.

7:14 – Albert waxes poetic about pictures of Earth from space, one of which, I happen to know, hung in his office at the White House (covert intrusion, sixth grade).

7:15 – Albert says “a friend of mine” and “tell you a story” in the span of two sentences. I’m almost in fits thinking back to the SNL debate skits.

7:16 – We see Albert’s Mac for the third time. A computer with low emissions...or a capitalist plot? You decide. Also, you can decide whether you feel Albert is as hilarious as his audience seems to feel he is—they’re all giggles at the wry musings of Mark Twain. No one in our theater laughs.

7:19 – Albert explains the how and what of Global Warming. The basic summary is: sun rays hit the earth’s atmosphere, most of these are reflected back into space as infrared radiation, some remain which are then dispersed throughout the atmosphere, but that’s a good thing. It keeps us cozy. The problem is that the higher the amounts of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, the more radiation is trapped, and thus higher temperatures.

7:21 – Matt Groening cartoon about Global Warming. ‘Tis funny. Redeems the film, even.

7:23 – Albert has cared about our planet since the 1970s. Even before he invented the Internet. Sorry. That was lame.

7:27 – This gem is uttered: “There is a lesson here. The ice has stories to tell us.”

7:33 – Essentially, higher levels of carbon dioxide mean higher temperatures, and the carbon dioxide levels are higher than they’ve been in the past 650,000 years which we know from the Ice Capades. No really. The bubbles in the ice trap air and the carbon dioxide and oxygen levels, and subsequently temperature can be measured from that.

7:34 – I am slightly mesmerized by the strange, irrelevant change to “April 3, 1989.” After a near-death experience involving his son, Albert re-evaluated his priorities in life. I wouldn’t take issue with this were it not presented to me with grainy, black and white photos, what sounds like the instrumental to “Everybody Hurts,” and Albert breathily describing “what’s precious to [him].”

7:37 – The 10 Hottest Years Ever all fall in the last two decades, but the Hott(tttttt)est Year Ever was 2005.

7:39 – Ivan, Jeanne, Emily, Mo-On: names of storms or my future children? Maybe both.

7:41 – Warmer waters result in bigger storms. Possibly a problem.

7:43 – Seconds after Albert announces that we should focus on the future rather than the mistakes of the past, we get a montage of the 2000 election debacle, during which we get a tiny flash of the fabulously insane Katherine Harris. Also featured prominently is Albert’s comb-over. Repeatedly and from the worst angle.

7:44 – I take off my sweatshirt. CLIMATE CHANGE IN ACTION.

7:46 – Apparently we’re getting ready for a “nature hike through the Book of Revelations.” Ooh fun! Count me in.

7:52 – The film shows a nuclear sub popping up through ice. What? Really? Albert informs us that ice sheet thickness has diminished 40 percent since 1970. Seriously, though, what are subs doing popping through ice?

7:53 – “That’s not good for polar bears.” Cut to the cutest CGI polar bear in the world drowning.

7:55 – Albert explains how convection currents work, but is a little too “RED is HOT! BLUE is COLD!” for my tastes. The basic idea: when the water temperature has major changes, the current stops and an ice age (or the opposite, a major flood) can occur.

7:56 – An ice age can happen quickly—like over a decade—with a major flood and a shift in convection currents. In the real world, sadly, Dennis Quaid will not come rescue you. Fortunately, you also won’t be stuck in a library with Emmy Rossum.

7:58 – OH NO HE DIDN’T. Albert just knocked Ronald Reagan. Albert, the Gipper, from the grave and blindfolded, could beat you into another ice age.

7:59 – Albert makes the connection between recurrence of old diseases and the creation of new ones with warmer temperatures, which I personally think reaches a little, but the point about increased malaria outbreaks with higher temperatures and higher water levels seems valid.

8:01 – Indicative of potential glacier breaks, there was a large scale ice shelf break between Jan, 31and Feb. 23, 2002 without any reasoning outside of global warming. I have a reason though. It was my fourteenth birthday that January day, and I demanded that school be closed, praises be sung, and glaciers be broken. Whatever princess wants, she gets.

8:02 – I excuse myself, by tripping over almost everyone in my row, to use the facilities.

8:05 – I’m back. I doubt I missed anything besides Albert clacking away on his PowerBook.

8:07 – Should half of Greenland melt, the flooding will leave Miami, San Francisco, and Amsterdam underwater. A sad day for cocaine dealers everywhere.

8:07 – Seriously, though, a flood like that would be catastrophic displacing over 60 million people in Bangladesh alone.

8:10 – Albert visits China and speaks. Everyone is sitting in some really sweet purple chairs.

8:12 – Haiti been hatin’ on its trees.

8:16 – To demonstrate our tolerance for increasing temperature, there is a rather frightening CGI rendering of a frog placed in water which is then heated to the boiling point. Albert’s audience finds this absolutely hilarious. Like hysterical laughing. I begin to wonder if drugs were administered before this speaking engagement. Shock therapy, perhaps?

8:18 – Lung cancer: “one of the ways you don’t want to die.” Hmm.

8:21 – The Mac returns with a vengeance. This time it’s showing the world about the despicable world of the Bush appointees while Albert talks on his cell. Good scene, guys.

8:22 – A rather important point is made. In a random sampling of 928 scientific reports in peer-reviewed journals, zero denied global warming.

8:24 – Okay. I just...I...that thing about the drugs? I have to be right about that. Albert, broaching the subject of the balance between the economy and the environment, pulls up a cartoon drawing of a scale with gold bars one side and a globe on the other. He hops on the sketch train and keeps repeating “Gold bars. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mmmmmm.” And the audience? Cracking up like Tom Cruise.

8:28 – Tears for the American auto industry. Not only can we not sell cars, our emissions standards are pathetic.

8:32 – Albert, rambling off all our against-all-odds achievements, calls the fall of communism in the 1980s a “complete bipartisan effort.” First of all, no. Second, the Gipper will come for you, Albert.

8:34 – Now Albert tosses up a picture of the earth as a pixel. Why, thanks! A little reminder of my insignificance sure has brightened up my outlook for finals!

8:35 – It occurs to me that Al Gore is the irritating as hell “I’m a Mac” ad.

8:36 – And, obviously, we close with Albert’s gently weeping river.

Despite my general distaste for Al Gore, he makes an excellent point in stating that the US stands to gain considerably by redirecting resources, adapting technology, and marketing that globally. He’s also correct to have a sense of urgency; we can’t let the rest of the world beat us. And whether that begins with renewable energy or nuclear energy—after all, France’s energy is 70 percent nuclear (and 30 percent Iraqi oil)—there needs to be some level of change if we hope to compete in a rather lucrative field. National defense is, and should be,a top priority and I can’t help but view Hurricane Katrina as a breach of our national defense. Global warming is a threat to our defense and our economy, and, ultimately, there’s a lot more to be gained, in business and in health, by realizing that fact on both sides of the aisle.