LIVEBLOG: Pistons-Cavs Game 4

8:50- Alright, we're at the beginning of the second quarter, it's Cavs 26, Pistons 24. Pavlovic decides to dive, like, horizontally and attempt a shot. Billups responds with a three and Cleveland turns it over two times with consecutive walks. Chauncey's all over the place tonight- fifteen points already.

8:54- Daniel Gibson, the rookie from Texas if you will, looks like Chris Brown. Well, I'm not really sure that's true, but he certainly looks like what I imagine Chris Brown looks like. On a note from the other night: I can't believe they call this stadium "The Q." That's the lamest thing I've ever heard.

8:58- Daniel Gibson, the rookie from Texas, feeds LeBron James with a huge dunk on a fast break. Cavs 32, Pistons 29 with to 8:45 go. Daniel mistakingly believes that everyone "loves" LeBron James. False, sir. This game is sort of painful to watch; perhaps, my ability to tolerate atrocious eastern conference games has finally been saturated.

9:05- Okay, I've switched to the last two innings of the Giants-Mets game. It's tied at three in the top of the eighth.

9:13- I can finally type again. Other people were in the room and, because I'm twelve, I didn't want anyone getting suspiscious about what...

9:30- ...I'm doing. Clearly, I have issues. Well, we're in the bottom of the ninth at Shea with one out and David Wright up to bat. In other news, the Cavs are up 50-43 at the half. Oh, wow. The Giants' reliever, Coretta has a mullet with his fine, straight, blonde little girl hair. Wright hits the ball just off the top of the fence and grins after Fred Lewis nearly catches it but fails. A weird shot immediately follows in which Beltran and someone else stared silently at Fred Lewis.

9:36- The Giants walk Lo Duca, the crying wonder, and get Damon Easley to pop up, bringing JULIO FRANCO with two outs in the bottom of the ninth with runners on first and second. What do Julio Franco, Michael Jackson, Madonna, and my mother have in common? They were all born in 1958. He hits a hard grounder up the middle, Omar Vizquel dives behind the bag and tosses it over his shoulder to get the out at second, ending the inning and sending it into extra innings. Omar and Julio's combined age: 88.

9:41- "You can tell by the crowd who's coming out to hit: Barry Bonds." Many people boo. Were I there, I would join in. But first, Fred Lewis is up. He hit for the cycle a few weeks ago in only his 16th big league game and strongly resembles Kenny Lofton.

9:43- The boos are extremely loud. Best crowd shot is definitely a boy holding up a poster that reads: "B*NDS" while holding a camera to take pictures of Bonds. Barry walks; people boo.

9:48- Bonds must be telling Carlos Delgado one hell of a story. He's, like, rambling to Carlos over there at first. Frandsen drives the ball to right where it tags the chalk, barely, and hops out for a standup double that sends Barry to third. Guess Barry didn't get to finish the story, which I'm sure was more like "Howareyouthatsgood. I'M GOOD. ME ME ME ME ME ME ME" than an actual story with a beginning and end.

9:53- Pitching change: Heilman for the Mets comes in with two outs and runners on second and third. Aurelia lines out to second.

9:57- Russ Ortiz comes out the bullpen in the bottom of the tenth. Old Russ just loves to walk people and has a 5.38 ERA. This should go well for the Giants. Jose Reyes walks. Um, wow. The Sportscenter minute brings us Shawn Hill stealing home for the go ahead run off Andy Pettite in the Yankees-Jays game. I would enjoy seeing Jose do something similar. My fantasy team would also enjoy seeing Jose do something similar. His 28 stolen bases are more than 16 teams.

10:01- I like Bengie Molina's helmet with GIANTS up both ways along the mask. Apparently Russ Ortiz is going to keep trying to pick Jose off. 'Tis a foolish enterprise. Fool. Reyes takes off but Chavez fouls it off. Chavez grounds into a fielder's choice. EXCELLENT, CHAVEZ.

10:04- Beltran's now up with Chavez on first and two outs. 3-0 to Beltran. There is a small debate about giving Beltran the green light on 3-0; personally, after watching him choke last year against St. Louis in the NLCS, I'm giving him the take sign and moving a runner into scoring position with Carlos Number 2 up to bat. Count goes full to Beltran (shocker), but walks him with a pitch in the dirt (again, shocker). Delgado comes up with runnners on first and second, two outs, and the outfield playing shallow and a shift on with second base playing shallow right.

10:09- I switch over to Step Up briefly to watch Channing Tatum kiss the girl in that movie and then be awkward. Heeee.Carlos Delgado is now on first. Whoops. So, bases loaded with David Wright up to bat with two outs in the bottom of the tenth and the ability to win the game. Although he's very good looking he has some Sesame Street Bert eyebrows going on. He lines the ball to center- I mean, crushes it- but the centerfielder makes a great play to end the inning.

10:14- It's unclear why I have such a strong devotion to Step Up. I mean, Channing Tatum, yes. Obviously. But other than that, I can't quite figure out why I enjoy it so much. I don't watch it to mock it or marvel at its magnificence, both of which I do when I watch Footloose. Well, the one big exception is when Tyler's friend inspires him after Skinny's death to do better with their lives for their mothers, themselves, and for poor dead Skinny, and it is at that point that I yelll to my brother (who loves this movie as well) "Do you know how Tyler's going to do better? BY DANCING!" Oh, and Gay Daniel, the dancer with the sprained ankle- he's fun to laugh at too. The makeup that Nora, who is Channing Tatum's actual girlfriend in real life, is heinously eighties. She looks much, much better without it. I don't particularly care when Skinny dies, I giggle endlessly when Nora's mother tearfully shouts "BRAVO! BRAVO!" and I totally feel like Tyler's friend is the least street actor to ever play a supposedly street character. And yet, I love it. The dancing and the music (especially the editing on "I'mma Shine" in the movie with Nora's badass dancing and Tyler hanging out before Skinnny's intimely death) are fantastic, I know that. And, most importantly, Channing Tatum is in it and has that "Now, THERE is a MAN" quality that I like so much.

10:20- Anyway 3 up, 3 down in the top of the eleventh.

10:26- Lo Duca, he of the trade deadline crying, gets all huffy after a bad call and strikes out swinging. We get the slo-mo shot of him screaming "FUCK." Very classy, ESPN. He balls up in the corner of the dugout with his shinguard cover legs pulled up to his chest. Why don't you cry, Paul? Andy Roddick lost to somebody named Igor today at the French Open.

10:29- Two outs and a full count with Jose Reyes up. Anything can happen when the most explosive player in the game is up. Tim Lincecum, who I actually look older than, is still in the Giants dugout, which is cute. Reyes singles through the 5-6 hole. Ben Johnson is up. My brother plays baseball with a kid named Ben Johnson who is one half of the Langley High School Class of 2010 Annual Notoriously Gross PDA Couple. Old B-Money. While this is exciting, I have to switch over to watch the final scene of Step Up.

10:34- Unrealistic Moment of this Film #872- When Nora announces to her backup dancers that they are returning to the old dance and they cheer loudly. Though, it certainly is better, you know they'd be like "Goddamnit, Nora, we just spent a week learning a whole new freaking dance." And here it comes, "BRAVOOOOO!" Ha! That woman looks nothing like her supposed daughter.

10:39- Well, now that Tyler and Nora have made up, we're back with the Giants and the Mets where we've got Vizquel on first (who was walked apparently), no outs, and Fred Lewis bunting. He puts the bunt down and Vizquel moves to third. Dusty Baker appropriately recognizes that it is not Brian Cashman's fault, but the atrocious underachieving Yankee players like: Abreu (horrible), Giambi (injured and bad), Mussina (injured and bad), Matsui (old and bad), Damon (injured and horrible), Cano (bad).

10:44- Because the Mets-Giants game may never end, I've switched back over to the Pistons-Cavs game where Cleveland is up 85-79 with 3:38 to go. LeBron James hits a fadeaway jumper for three and confetti shoots up in front of the camera. Well, in my absence, the Giants scored after Delgado got the out at first and then threw home where Lo Duca made a marginal effort at tagging a forty year-old man.

10:49- Reyes is up again, against Armando Benitez the former Mets closer, who has gone full to Reyes and is not the old flamethrower he used to be.

10:52- Reyes walks. Endy Chavez, who's 0-5 tonight, is showing bunt. Benitez BALKS; Mets fans go CRAZY. Reyes is now on second with no outs.

10:55- Back in Cleveland, the Pistons have pulled within four with a minute-thirty to go and posession after Daniel Gibson, TRfT, is stripped of the ball. In New York, Chavez apparently bunted Reyes over to third; Carlos Beltran grounds out to second because he's a choker. Carlos 2 is up with two down in the 12th and Reyes on third.

10:57- BENITEZ BALKS AGAIN. Reyes comes in to tie the game, after he jumps around and distracts ol' Armando. Two balks in one inning! Ridiculous. Well. Tie game, in the bottom of the twelfth, with Carlos Delgado up. Score check: Cavs 88, Pistons 85 with 1:02 to go.

10:59- CARLOS DELGADO WALK OFF HOME RUN TO STRAIGHT CENTER. Mets 5, Giants 4 in 12.

11:00- Cleveland ball; Daniel Gibson TRfT inbounds to LeBron who passes into Gooden whose shot is blocked by Tayshaun Prince. Billups pulls up off balance for the three under coverage, Cavs get the rebound and the foul. LeBron misses for three, there is scrambling for the rebound and Eric Snow goes to the line after Rip is called for a push foul. Cleveland 89, Pistons 85 with 18 seconds to go.

11:05- Chauncey dribbles around for a long time, misses, McDyess taps it in with 5 seconds left. On the inbound, they foul LeBron James. He sinks the first one to give the Cavs a three point lead with 4 seconds to go. He nails the second. I get a little upset, because this gives a four point lead. The Pistons call a time out and I believe I see LeBron tell Drew Gooden "don't fuck this up." Dirrrty Rasheed misses. Cavs win. Damn.

Final Score: Cavs 91, Pistons
Series: Even.

Final Score: Mets 5, Giants 4.

Final Score: Channing Tatum Infinity, Everyone Else 0.

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LIVEBLOG: Pistons-Cavs Game 3

8:42- Cleveland is up 7-0 with 8:48 to go in the first. Apparently, LeBron James worked out hard for hours against the advice of everyone in a ten mile radius with a brain. To demonstrate further his incompetency, he wore some sweatpant gouchos. He's scored 5 points, but...it's not as though he's been known for his fourth quarters as of late.

8:45- Illgauskus, excepting the fact that he's 7 feet tall, looks like some sort of an 37 year-old, balding accountant. Has Chris Webber always played with the number 84? That's extremely high- a "fitting" jersey, if you will. Sorry. Rasheed plays with his back to the basket, makes the shot and one, to a chorus of boos. Dear Cleveland, booing Rasheed is ill-advised. First of all, he's nasty and will destroy this game if you aren't careful. Second, he knows people who can "take care" of things, if you will. Hell, he is one of those people.

8:49- More debris falls from the ceilling, somebody Swiffers it away, bringing my attention to the peculiar wood situation on the Cavs' court. The lane is the smae ugly light wood color that the center of the court- outside of the lane- but inside the arc, it's darker and pretty. Rasheed over Shirley Temple Varejao. The Accountant responds.

8:55- Holly Hunter's TNT series about God implies, with the use of Leann Rimes singing Amazing Grace, that she once was lost but now is found, was blind but now can see. The biggest sign that she once was, and possibly still is, lost and blind? The tiny, ill-advised braids in her hair; that's more than the Jack Daniels talking there. Webber knocks in a few off some offensive rebounds, either Steve Kerr (whose name I keep typing "Stever") or Doug Collins starts lamenting that Tayshaun Prince has been unable to score because he has to contend with Webber for points. Um, Stever and/or Doug? The important thing is that they're scoring. Cleveland 18, Detroit 15 with 1:27 to go.

9:00- Larry Hughes is limping in that ugly Skip-to-my-Lou sort of way. Shirley egregiously misses a very simple putback and then fouls Rasheed who nails his free throws. Shirley slaps around Chris Webber after Chris picks up the offensive board on a LeBron drive into double coverage. Chris ties up the game, but not before looking like he's going to cry at the line. Tied at 22 at the end of the first quarter.

9:08- HAHAHA. Let's show clips of CHRIS WEBBER and RASHEED WALLACE when they were on the WIZARDS TOGETHER. HAHAHA. HOW ABOUT RIP HAMILTON GIVING A CAPITOL DOME TOUR OR SOMETHING? LARRY HUGHES AT A NATS GAME? STOP MOCKING US, TNT.

9:12- Daniel Gibson drains a three on an assist from a double teamed LeBron. I feel really bad for all those kids in the McDonald's ad who are running around, yelling in different languages in rabid excitement that Dad is bringing McDonald's. You really have to wonder what sort of Oliver Twist situation they've got going on most of the time. Tayshaun Prince ties the game at 29 with a three, which he follows up with denying LeBron a shot. Mike Murray, who's at the line, has a really charming tattoo where there is an F in the Superman logo which seems vaguely dirty.

9:18- Drew Gooden's neck's moustache makes a few field goals. Not only is he weird looking- the guy always looks like he hasn't slept in days- he has the weirdest, most frightening hair situation I have ever seen. Detroit 37, Cleveland 35 with 5:38 to go.

9:25- Flip Saunders has way, way too much going on with his pinstipe suit, striped shirt, and striped tie. He looks like he walked through some kind of Alice in Wonderland mirror or something. Delfino, he of the sketchy hot, goes super cas and hits a jumper.

9:29- Things you don't often hear about NBA players: "McDyess, one of those guys who thinks to much..." LeBron hits a turnaround, fadeaway jumper at the shot clock buzzer and then stares at the ceiling. This means one of three things: a. he's watching the replay (likely), b. he's thanking God (unlikely), c. he fears the falling debris.

9:32- Delfino inbounds the ball, but decides to do a little shimmy before doing so. Having recently watched Step Up (okay, like three times in the past week), I can only wish that he were Channing Tatum. LeBron drives into the lane and gets body checked in the air by Murray. He makes both free throws; Cleveland 44, Detroit 43 with 1:45 to go.

9:36- LeBron makes a nice move inside and finishes with a little reverse layup on the baseline when he's double teamed. Cleveland finishes with a 9-2 run. Cleveland 46, Detroit 43 at the half. Notably LeBron has score 19 points, which is precisely the amount of Game 2 at the half. I must now change to Sunday Night Baseball because the TNT Halftime show makes me search desperately for sharp objects to kill myself with. Excellent. I forgot that Joe Morgan is involved with Sunday Night Baseball. Where are those sharp objects?

9:44- Granderson nails a perfect sinker on the low outside corner for a double. Craig Monroe, the streakiest hitter alive currently wrecking my fantasy team's average, grounds out to short. Joe gets super excited about watching Gary Sheffield hit. I've never actually seen Sheffield get a hit in a live game, despite endless Braves games that I watched; I am not as excited. My streak continues as Sheffield grounds out.

9:49- It just now occurs to me that this too is a Cleveland-Detroit game. I mean, I realized that the Tigers and Indians were playing, but the connection wasn't quite there. Arguably, this is actually a game between two relatively better teams- the Indians and Tigers are, with the Mets and Red Sox, two of the best teams in the league, while the Pistons and particularly the Cavs are not on the same level as the Spurs, Suns, and Mavs. Ryan Garko walks, is hot. Of course, Trot Nixon is there to ground into another double play and end the inning.

9:55- Hot Ryan makes a fantastic grab at first but then tries to throw at Carmona, rather than the bag, and throws it away. Pudge hits a slow roller to third and gets on with an infield hit- runners on first and second. 3-6-1 double play. Nice job, boys. Indians 5, Tigers 3 in the bottom of the sixth. Time to return to the playoffs, however. I wish you luck Hot Ryan.

9:59- LeBron makes a filthy drive inside and tries to finish with a reverse and misses, but still picks up the foul off of Chris Webber- his fourth, McDyess enters the game for him. The PA announces the jump ball very quickly and very loudly "JUMPBALL" and then goes quiet.

10:04- The Accountant has scored six unanswered points (as well as your social security number and Swiss bank account information). He apparently has been shooting 91% from the line since some point, which is absurd, because he's a giant and should have the coordination of a six year-old.

10:05- Rasheed has answered with back-to-back three pointers. Dirrrty, as usual. I keep waiting for Marv Albert to say "FROM DOWNTOWN" as he was so fond of saying on NBA Live '94 on the Sega platform. The Neck Mustache, which is horrifying in High Definition, gets called for a T. Cavs 55, Pistons 52 with 5:50 to go in the third.

10:08- Dirrrty Rasheed misses a three, McDyess grabs the offensive board, sends it to Billups who nails it from where, Marv? "FROM DOWNTOWN." I'm so glad he said it. Cleveland turns the ball over again, McDyess puts it in and we have now seen a 12-2 run from the Pistons. Okay, I do not understand these Jeep Patriot commercials where the girl plucks the wolf from the cliff as though she is really, really large person or as if it is a tiny toy wolf and puts it in the boat.

10:11- Stop pushing the WNBA upon us, NBA. Especially with the "Have you seen her?" ad campaign. No, I haven't seen her because the WNBA is atrociously boring and I don't want to see her. Pavlovic nails a three.

10:14- LeBron attempts to shoot while diving out of bounds and The Accountant nearly goaltends. Rasheed hits a turnaround fadeaway that is so smooth and dry, it's almost champagne. LeBron has only taken one shot in the third quarter, and it was nearly out of bounds. I bet he's glad he worked out so long before the game. TNT: "40 GAMES. 40 NIGHTS." Translation: Much like the flood Noah suffered through, the NBA playoffs has been long and painful and will continue to be so. We apologize for the ensuing Pistons-Spurs Series.

10:21- LeBron. If there are four defenders before you, someone is open. Tayshaun Prince gives the Pistons a 63-62 lead with a minute to go in the third. Shirley dribbles around casually with two seconds, unaware that time has not stopped and two seconds is a short amount of time.

10:38- I return from picking up my brother and getting a piece of freshly baked, completely from scratch cherry pie. Naturally, TNT has informed us that Larry Hughes is one of only two players to play with both LeBron James and Michael Jordan. WE'VE GOT IT, TNT. THE WIZARDS SUCK, OKAY. Hamilton makes a nice move inside and ties the game at 68 with 7:40 to go.

10:41- LeBron takes three beautiful steps to make a "beautiful move" and get the beautiful foul. He misses at the beautiful line. The Cavs are now up by two, but their fans? Flipping out.

10:46- LeBron may actually get to a triple-double tonight which would be actually tapping his potential for once. Hee. Tapping. Chris "Needs Some Paxil" Webber draws foul off of The Accountant and hits both the free throws; Cavs 74, Pistons 70 with 5:oo to go. Because there just isn't enough sketch in this game, we shoot over to Kid Rock who is wearing a horrifying white fedora.

10:50- Gibson, whose full name is apparently "Daniel Gibson, the rookie from Texas," drains a three pointer to give the Cavs a five point lead with 4:12 to go. Billups and The Accountant begin trading three pointers, with LeBron jumping in to contribute. Apparently doing absolutely nothing in the third has left him with a ton of energy for the fourth.

10:55- Tiny, ugly braids aside, "Saving Grace" looks a lot more promising than "Heartland." The PA announcer in the "Quicken Loans Arena" is actually the Kool-Aid pitcher. "OH YEAH. OH YEAH. THE CAVS. OH YEAH." Cavs 84, Pistons 80 with 1:26 to go. Come on, Pistons, I don't even like you, but seriously let's go.

11:01- Weird close up on LeBron's face where he has some shifty eyes going like we're in the moment of realization in a soap opera. Chauncey hits a HUGE shot to make it 84-82 with half a minute to go. EW. TAKE DAVID BLAINE AWAY.

11:04- LeBron shockingly drains a huge shot to make it 86-82 with 16.3 seconds to go. The lights in "The Q" go all disco on us. Tayshaun Prince misses for three and The Neck Moustache is fouled with 6.3 seconds to go. Having actually gotten the score up in the high eighties, the Cavs have actually played this game to their advantage. "Look at [LeBron] in the huddle. Look at the leadership" cut to a shot of LeBron literally screaming at his teammates. Yes, look at the leadership.

Final Score: Cavs 88, Pistons 82.
Series: Pistons 2, Cavs 1.

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LIVEBLOG: Yanks-Sox

7:34- Yankees are already up 3-0. This is good. I guess. I don't really like the Red Sox and I am predisposed to teams that build dynasties and adapt accordingly to maintain their talent level (Spurs, Pats). But you know, A-Rod does play for the Yankees.

7:37- Bonnie Bernstein joins us. I'm constantly confused by what she actually looks like when not under ten layers of fur and leather with a big hat on and standing next to Bill Belicheck. She's very pretty, is wearing tasteful makeup and jewelry, and seems to know what she's talking about. She's sort of awkwardly standing behind a dugout, though.

7:43- Jason Giambi saga. My brother: "Wow. Coked." First of all, Jason is an idiot. That is clear to all, naturally. The fact that his failed amphetamine test magicall surfaced days after he called for an apology from MLB and anyone else involved with steroids, confirms what I believe about the current steroid policy: more people are failing them than MLB lets on. Like, Pujols, Papi, Clemens--none of them are going to officially fail drug tests. Doesn't mean they aren't. I'm not saying they are, either, but I don't feel like Bud Selig is doing a good job of informing me if they are.

7:48- Yankees score on a hit from Derek Jeter. Obviously.

7:53- Andy Pettite looks like the traditional Italian-American player who should be from the Bronx and playing for the Yankees. Instead, he's a creepy Houston native who started dating his wife when she was in eighth grade and he was a junior in high school. Wily Mo Pena's name confuses me quite a bit, especailly without the second L in his first name.

8:01- A-Rod's charming elbowing from last night. The summary of almost any story involving Alex is that he is a woman.

8:08- Mr. April himself comes up, hits a double. Whoever's announcing with Berman here breathlessly details each minute aspect of A-Rod's success.

8:10- "It's hard to imagine this Red Sox team really falling at any point this season." Yes, of course. Just like how the Celtics got one of those picks last night. Apparently, Beckett, Schilling and Papelbon staying healthy and Manny Ramirez eventually heating up are absolute certainties. Almost as certain as Durant and Oden's success in the NBA.

8:14- We shoot down to Double-A Trenton to watch Clemens strike out some little kids. Followed that up with one of those Liberty Mutual commercials where everybody's helping each other out that blatantly rip off Pay It Forward. Fortunately, the movie adaptation of that book sucked, so everybody's forgotten.

8:17- The behind the plate sponsor is...The History Channel? That's a bit heavy handed, Yankee Stadium, isn't it? Manny beats out a groundball to third base because Alex is still a woman, if you will.

8:20- Apparently, Kevin Youkilis killed a squirrel and glued it to his chin. Good Lord, it's times like these I regret HDTV. He grounds into a double play after Cano makes a nice play on a hard hit groundball. Jeter holds up on Lowell's groundball to the 5-6 hole. He tosses it around a bit and grits his teeth so we all know he's upset.

8:24- "Walk It Out" plays over the Yankee Stadium speakers, proof that once you hear that song it will haunt you all day long, everyday with little "Now, walk it out, walk it out, walk it out"s ringing in your ears, until you play it again and again. It rivals "Edelweiss" in catchiness. Mientkiewicz hits a homerun off of Schill, 6-0 NY through 4.

8:35- Christ, Bobby Abreu throws up an arm like he's some Victorian woman out on a stroll, shielding herself from a rogue polo ball. He cusses in Spanish and now Boston has two on with no outs. Fortunately, Julio Lugo is there to line out to Andy who tosses it over to Cano on second to double off Pena. Oh, Wily Mo.

8:39- Coco Crisp pops (and snaps! and crackles!) out to A-Rod to end the inning. PIRATES COMMERCIAL! DUH! DUH! Dun-dun-dunna! I mean, I hated the last one, but, you know, I have high hopes for Friday. As long as there aren't long stretches of Orlando "Thanks, but I'd really rather watch paint dry" Bloom by himself on camera.

8:49- I still don't understand the facial hair that David Ortiz and Wily Mo have going on. It's like somebody cut out a chunk of the beard. Dude, I like Bonnie Bernstein. She gets all upset because she didn't get to call Manny's off the wall double a home run with a "back, back, back" and concludes her little sidebar on the Yankees' starting rotation with a really, really quick "back, back, back." Seriously, can we replace Joe Morgan with her? I'd pretty much be willing to take anyone other than Morgan, but still.

8:56- Orel Hershiser is rocking some Reagan Hair. I highly approve. He and Steve Phillips are wearing the same mint green shirt, though. With Berman's pink shirt, they all look like they're going to step into a Vineyard Vines ad or something. Lowell (who I totally thought was a steroid beneficiary after that slump year with Florida before they dumped him into the Beckett deal) drives Manny in, 6-1 Yanks.

9:23- Back from a shower to find a Baby Ruth commercial. Ew, that killed my feeling of cleanliness. Anyway, it's still 6-1, now in the bottom of the seventh. Jeter hits an absolutely dirty triple to the wall. And we shoot to the stands where three women in Yankees hats sitting one behind the other are all texting. Probably something about how they're getting ready to toss their panties at Jeter.

9:29- Orel discusses the ways "all those little voices crop up." Hmm. I wonder if voices contributed to Orel's parents naming him Orel. Morphine, perhaps? Donnelly (who's come in to pitch for Schill) has got some super hot rec-specs on. A-Rod's batting song is "This Is Why I'm Hot" which is so unsurprising it's almost shocking. He hits a very, very long fly ball that scores Jeter. 7-2 Yanks.

9:39- Coco Crisp blasts one off of Kyle Farnsworth. This is exactly why Clemens gets to do whatever the hell he wants, Kyle, because he doesn't let that happen. He walks Ortiz. NICE ONE, KYLE.

9:45- The Nats are winning! That happens so rarely. It also happens rarely that we actually get to see these games because Peter Angelos sued, like, God and decided that we in Northern Virginia can only watch the Orioles. KYLE. A BALK? KYLE, KYLE, KYLE. And then he lets Youkilis drive in Ortiz. Kyle, you sucked in Atlanta and you suck in New York. They get out of it with a pop up to Jeter.

9:50- I really don't like that ad where the piece of gum is singing opera. Giambi grounds out; he's the only Yankee without a hit. Mientkiewicz smokes a double to right. Damon brings him in 8-3, Yanks.

10:03- Mariano Rivera gives up a double down the line to Wily Mo. Mariano strikes out Pedroia and Lugo looking. Lugo gets all huffy about it and wags his finger from the dugout. Coco is neither classy nor fabulous and strikes out to end the game.

Final Score: Yankees 8, Red Sox 3.

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