LIVEBLOG: Spurs-Jazz Game 4

10:00- Well, Friends beckoned and I missed almost the entire first half of the Jazz-Spurs game. The first thing I hear? Europe has apparently adopted Argentina and brought it across the Atlantic for a little Daisy Miller sort of adventure. You see, Oberto played 12 years in Europe, 5 of them in Argentina.

10:03- The excellence of commentary carries on: "The Spurs just executing the Jazz to death right now." The pun seems unintentional. Spurs 46, Jazz 37 with 2:53 to go in the first half.

10:07- The excellence has been explained: we're with Mike Breen, Mark Jackson, and Jeff Van Gundy. NBA commentary is nothing without Marv Albert, obviously, but Jesus, Mark, Tony Parker and Chauncey Billups are not better point guards than Chris Paul. Tony Parker is French- or as we sometimes say, of the country adjacent to Argentina- and Chauncey is a shoot first guard. Steve Finley hits a three.

10:11- Oberto's hair situation is really a mystery to me. It appears that instead of, say, pre-wrap or a sweatband, he has pushed his long greasy hair back with a string/band of hair. A charge is called on Milsap mostly because Ginobli flies across the floor like he was shot. Well, it's half time and that's always painful for me so I'm switching to some Tivo'd Law & Order.

10:15- Ah, pregnant couple bickering and gun shots. Not related. Nevermind, I've seen this one, so on to the next one. Oh man, blood trail to a crib. I think Law & Order is insinuating that now is not the ideal time for me to have a child. I do the Law & Order theme song dance about the room, and celebrate the fact that this is a Abbie "Texas Justice" Carmichael episode, but sadly is not a Benjamin "So, So, So Hot" Bratt episode. I personally think they employed Angie Harmon and Benjamin Bratt just in an attempt to hire the most attractive people possible.

10:20- Well, they've now taken the father of the baby into the interrogation room, but clearly he didn't do it. The first person they question never, ever did it. Jimmy, the baby's father, is a God-fearing man evidently with the lighting of the candles and praying and gentle words of the Catholic elderly woman.

10:25- We meet Mitch who has approximately 856,942 earrings. Aw, Amy thinks Jimmy has the baby and sounds like she's twelve. AHHH, WAY TOO CLOSE CLOSE-UP ON MITCH. TOO MANY EARRINGS. Amy was an irresponsible parent- leaving the baby while she went to get a cigarrette, but they'll always have Paris.

10:29- The baby, Kyle, will be found soon. The music is a-flaring and search warrants are a-issued. Oh, man. The little baby bones are on the autopsy table and Abbie nearly cries. Dude, this episode is going to kick ass.

10:32- The baby starved to death over...seven weeks? Amy apparently bled on the baby...after it was dead? ...On his forehead and hands? What the hell is going on? Somebody better get the goddamn death penalty here, I mean, you know Jack and Abbie will push for Murder I. Apparently, Amy resented breast feeding her child.

10:36- Here's why I love Abbie Carmichael: She wants to kick Amy's ass and cites how women have made reproductive rights their own responsibility and should have to back that up. And Jack is making Abbie argue the case. The judge decides that no jury is going be able to get over how horrifying the pictures of the dead baby are, so we've got a bench trial.

10:44- The defense makes a decent point with the coroner and Abbie slams the door on the redirect. Oh, no. The music flares up when the defense starts questioning the husband and he starts crying about how he didn't do anything. Now we're off on the Crusade of Breast Feeding.

10:51- Aw, Jack and Abbie are having a heart to heart about her nervousness. Jack elects to be good cop for once. Amy's on the stand; that seems ill-advised. "She made me feel like I was a bad mother"? You are a bad mother, Amy. Oh, I'm sorry, I mispoke: were. The baby's dead.

10:56- Abbie has totally driven the point about Amy sucking as a mother home. She went bad cop on Amy's ass. My girl crush on Abbie Carmichael has only increased. The defense presents her closing argument and the judge looks on sort of perturbed. Abbie jumps up on the awesome train and says: "It is irrelevant whether she is too young to be a mother, because the same law that allowed the defendant to choose whether or not to have a child, holds her to take care of and protect that child." No. Amy gets Man 2 and 1 and half to 4 years in prison. Boo. Time to go back to the game.

11:01- The trailer for Transformers has been spliced into clips from the Spurs-Jazz series. Tim Duncan may seem like a mild-mannered geek but in actuality he is a car that turns into a ROBOT. Jerry Sloan flaps his arms around after Milsap gets called for a blocking foul and gets a T, which sends Ginobli to the line. Spurs 65, Jazz 62 with 10:56 to go.

11:07- Big Shot Rob gets called for a charge after his elbow lightly grazes Milsap. This is immediately followed with an illegal pick. Seriously, this is worse than girls lacrosse. It's like they're playing freeze tag. We get some side by side shots of Mehmet Okur and Tim Duncan like they're going to debate gay marriage or, okay, network television's never that serious. Like they're getting ready to debate Mary Cheney's baby's paternity and its relationship to Anna Nicole Smith's baby.

11:10- Jacque Vaughn steals the ball from The Wonderful, Amazing, Fantastic, Beautiful Deron Williams. The announcers just love some of these guys to death. Okay, this Wendy's commercial where everyone's kicking the trees seems to imply that Wendy's burgers are not frozen. How do they get those burgers there on a daily basis? Go to the grocery store? Keep a herd of cattle in the drive-thru at night? Does Dave Thomas use heavenly powers to transport fresh ground beef? I'm just curious.

11:15- Mehmet really needs to trim the hair up in the back. And grow a chin. Duncan hits both of his free throws to make it Spurs 74, Jazz 68 with 6:38 to go.

11:17- "Oh, WHAT A FEED. WE ARE WITNESSING THE EMERGENCE OF A SUPERSTAR": Deron Williams makes a routine bounce pass to an extremely open Kirilenko. Mike needs to chill a bit. NASCAR commercial, which reminds me: I did not enjoy the Washington Post's puff piece on Dale Earnhardt Jr. this weekend. Liz Clarke began the article detailing the loving relationship that he and his sister have and told us how they have been pitted against their "domineering stepmother." The fact that Dale's sister is "looking after him still" because Dale Sr. left basically every asset he had- including the rights to his name, complete ownership of his company, all his real estate, and his seats on the NYSE and the Amex- to his wife, seems to negate that "Dale Jr. just wants to be loved" story. He just wants MONEY. The birds are not outside their windows madly making dresses and helping sweep the floors until the glass slipper arives. Why would Teresa give a controlling interest (which is what he was demanding) in the company she already owns to a high school drop out whose business manager is his sister? ARGH. I don't even care if Teresa's an ice cold bitch (actually, I do. As a frosty bitch, I think we all need to stick together), I'm on her side.

11:25- Derek Fisher fouls Ginobli outside the arc like an idiot snapping me out of my rant against Dale Earnhardt Jr. Spurs 82, Jazz 72 with 3:22 to go. The Spurs are dominating to a incredible degree when in the lead in the fourth quarter. They do not choke.

11:28- Ginobli falls to the floor, goes to the line. Carlos Boozer of the Hotttness gets the foul. Derek Fisher gets a T after Ginobli flops after he elbows Fisher.

11:32- Linda Cohn pops up to give us the Sportscenter minute in an outfit that defies ugliness. She's got an poorly tailored green blazer that has two peculiarly placed pockets- like, collarbone pockets- with a really horrifying black and gray floral print skirt, and fried blond hair. Jerry Sloan has been ejected during the commercial break. Mehmet Okur soon fouls out.

11:37- Derek Fisher gets thrown out of the game after a hard foul on Ginobli. But, hell, a kitten could put a hard foul on Manu Ginobli. The fans are either chanting "Refs, you suck" or "Tim, you suck." The Jazz are blessedly not fouling, and let the game end quickly. No post-game interviews from a sharply dressed Michelle Tafoya as the White People throw stuff on the floor. Time for more Law & Order.

Final Score: Spurs 91, Jazz 79.
Series: Spurs 3, Jazz 1.