LIVEBLOG: Pistons-Cavs Game 3

8:42- Cleveland is up 7-0 with 8:48 to go in the first. Apparently, LeBron James worked out hard for hours against the advice of everyone in a ten mile radius with a brain. To demonstrate further his incompetency, he wore some sweatpant gouchos. He's scored 5 points, but...it's not as though he's been known for his fourth quarters as of late.

8:45- Illgauskus, excepting the fact that he's 7 feet tall, looks like some sort of an 37 year-old, balding accountant. Has Chris Webber always played with the number 84? That's extremely high- a "fitting" jersey, if you will. Sorry. Rasheed plays with his back to the basket, makes the shot and one, to a chorus of boos. Dear Cleveland, booing Rasheed is ill-advised. First of all, he's nasty and will destroy this game if you aren't careful. Second, he knows people who can "take care" of things, if you will. Hell, he is one of those people.

8:49- More debris falls from the ceilling, somebody Swiffers it away, bringing my attention to the peculiar wood situation on the Cavs' court. The lane is the smae ugly light wood color that the center of the court- outside of the lane- but inside the arc, it's darker and pretty. Rasheed over Shirley Temple Varejao. The Accountant responds.

8:55- Holly Hunter's TNT series about God implies, with the use of Leann Rimes singing Amazing Grace, that she once was lost but now is found, was blind but now can see. The biggest sign that she once was, and possibly still is, lost and blind? The tiny, ill-advised braids in her hair; that's more than the Jack Daniels talking there. Webber knocks in a few off some offensive rebounds, either Steve Kerr (whose name I keep typing "Stever") or Doug Collins starts lamenting that Tayshaun Prince has been unable to score because he has to contend with Webber for points. Um, Stever and/or Doug? The important thing is that they're scoring. Cleveland 18, Detroit 15 with 1:27 to go.

9:00- Larry Hughes is limping in that ugly Skip-to-my-Lou sort of way. Shirley egregiously misses a very simple putback and then fouls Rasheed who nails his free throws. Shirley slaps around Chris Webber after Chris picks up the offensive board on a LeBron drive into double coverage. Chris ties up the game, but not before looking like he's going to cry at the line. Tied at 22 at the end of the first quarter.

9:08- HAHAHA. Let's show clips of CHRIS WEBBER and RASHEED WALLACE when they were on the WIZARDS TOGETHER. HAHAHA. HOW ABOUT RIP HAMILTON GIVING A CAPITOL DOME TOUR OR SOMETHING? LARRY HUGHES AT A NATS GAME? STOP MOCKING US, TNT.

9:12- Daniel Gibson drains a three on an assist from a double teamed LeBron. I feel really bad for all those kids in the McDonald's ad who are running around, yelling in different languages in rabid excitement that Dad is bringing McDonald's. You really have to wonder what sort of Oliver Twist situation they've got going on most of the time. Tayshaun Prince ties the game at 29 with a three, which he follows up with denying LeBron a shot. Mike Murray, who's at the line, has a really charming tattoo where there is an F in the Superman logo which seems vaguely dirty.

9:18- Drew Gooden's neck's moustache makes a few field goals. Not only is he weird looking- the guy always looks like he hasn't slept in days- he has the weirdest, most frightening hair situation I have ever seen. Detroit 37, Cleveland 35 with 5:38 to go.

9:25- Flip Saunders has way, way too much going on with his pinstipe suit, striped shirt, and striped tie. He looks like he walked through some kind of Alice in Wonderland mirror or something. Delfino, he of the sketchy hot, goes super cas and hits a jumper.

9:29- Things you don't often hear about NBA players: "McDyess, one of those guys who thinks to much..." LeBron hits a turnaround, fadeaway jumper at the shot clock buzzer and then stares at the ceiling. This means one of three things: a. he's watching the replay (likely), b. he's thanking God (unlikely), c. he fears the falling debris.

9:32- Delfino inbounds the ball, but decides to do a little shimmy before doing so. Having recently watched Step Up (okay, like three times in the past week), I can only wish that he were Channing Tatum. LeBron drives into the lane and gets body checked in the air by Murray. He makes both free throws; Cleveland 44, Detroit 43 with 1:45 to go.

9:36- LeBron makes a nice move inside and finishes with a little reverse layup on the baseline when he's double teamed. Cleveland finishes with a 9-2 run. Cleveland 46, Detroit 43 at the half. Notably LeBron has score 19 points, which is precisely the amount of Game 2 at the half. I must now change to Sunday Night Baseball because the TNT Halftime show makes me search desperately for sharp objects to kill myself with. Excellent. I forgot that Joe Morgan is involved with Sunday Night Baseball. Where are those sharp objects?

9:44- Granderson nails a perfect sinker on the low outside corner for a double. Craig Monroe, the streakiest hitter alive currently wrecking my fantasy team's average, grounds out to short. Joe gets super excited about watching Gary Sheffield hit. I've never actually seen Sheffield get a hit in a live game, despite endless Braves games that I watched; I am not as excited. My streak continues as Sheffield grounds out.

9:49- It just now occurs to me that this too is a Cleveland-Detroit game. I mean, I realized that the Tigers and Indians were playing, but the connection wasn't quite there. Arguably, this is actually a game between two relatively better teams- the Indians and Tigers are, with the Mets and Red Sox, two of the best teams in the league, while the Pistons and particularly the Cavs are not on the same level as the Spurs, Suns, and Mavs. Ryan Garko walks, is hot. Of course, Trot Nixon is there to ground into another double play and end the inning.

9:55- Hot Ryan makes a fantastic grab at first but then tries to throw at Carmona, rather than the bag, and throws it away. Pudge hits a slow roller to third and gets on with an infield hit- runners on first and second. 3-6-1 double play. Nice job, boys. Indians 5, Tigers 3 in the bottom of the sixth. Time to return to the playoffs, however. I wish you luck Hot Ryan.

9:59- LeBron makes a filthy drive inside and tries to finish with a reverse and misses, but still picks up the foul off of Chris Webber- his fourth, McDyess enters the game for him. The PA announces the jump ball very quickly and very loudly "JUMPBALL" and then goes quiet.

10:04- The Accountant has scored six unanswered points (as well as your social security number and Swiss bank account information). He apparently has been shooting 91% from the line since some point, which is absurd, because he's a giant and should have the coordination of a six year-old.

10:05- Rasheed has answered with back-to-back three pointers. Dirrrty, as usual. I keep waiting for Marv Albert to say "FROM DOWNTOWN" as he was so fond of saying on NBA Live '94 on the Sega platform. The Neck Mustache, which is horrifying in High Definition, gets called for a T. Cavs 55, Pistons 52 with 5:50 to go in the third.

10:08- Dirrrty Rasheed misses a three, McDyess grabs the offensive board, sends it to Billups who nails it from where, Marv? "FROM DOWNTOWN." I'm so glad he said it. Cleveland turns the ball over again, McDyess puts it in and we have now seen a 12-2 run from the Pistons. Okay, I do not understand these Jeep Patriot commercials where the girl plucks the wolf from the cliff as though she is really, really large person or as if it is a tiny toy wolf and puts it in the boat.

10:11- Stop pushing the WNBA upon us, NBA. Especially with the "Have you seen her?" ad campaign. No, I haven't seen her because the WNBA is atrociously boring and I don't want to see her. Pavlovic nails a three.

10:14- LeBron attempts to shoot while diving out of bounds and The Accountant nearly goaltends. Rasheed hits a turnaround fadeaway that is so smooth and dry, it's almost champagne. LeBron has only taken one shot in the third quarter, and it was nearly out of bounds. I bet he's glad he worked out so long before the game. TNT: "40 GAMES. 40 NIGHTS." Translation: Much like the flood Noah suffered through, the NBA playoffs has been long and painful and will continue to be so. We apologize for the ensuing Pistons-Spurs Series.

10:21- LeBron. If there are four defenders before you, someone is open. Tayshaun Prince gives the Pistons a 63-62 lead with a minute to go in the third. Shirley dribbles around casually with two seconds, unaware that time has not stopped and two seconds is a short amount of time.

10:38- I return from picking up my brother and getting a piece of freshly baked, completely from scratch cherry pie. Naturally, TNT has informed us that Larry Hughes is one of only two players to play with both LeBron James and Michael Jordan. WE'VE GOT IT, TNT. THE WIZARDS SUCK, OKAY. Hamilton makes a nice move inside and ties the game at 68 with 7:40 to go.

10:41- LeBron takes three beautiful steps to make a "beautiful move" and get the beautiful foul. He misses at the beautiful line. The Cavs are now up by two, but their fans? Flipping out.

10:46- LeBron may actually get to a triple-double tonight which would be actually tapping his potential for once. Hee. Tapping. Chris "Needs Some Paxil" Webber draws foul off of The Accountant and hits both the free throws; Cavs 74, Pistons 70 with 5:oo to go. Because there just isn't enough sketch in this game, we shoot over to Kid Rock who is wearing a horrifying white fedora.

10:50- Gibson, whose full name is apparently "Daniel Gibson, the rookie from Texas," drains a three pointer to give the Cavs a five point lead with 4:12 to go. Billups and The Accountant begin trading three pointers, with LeBron jumping in to contribute. Apparently doing absolutely nothing in the third has left him with a ton of energy for the fourth.

10:55- Tiny, ugly braids aside, "Saving Grace" looks a lot more promising than "Heartland." The PA announcer in the "Quicken Loans Arena" is actually the Kool-Aid pitcher. "OH YEAH. OH YEAH. THE CAVS. OH YEAH." Cavs 84, Pistons 80 with 1:26 to go. Come on, Pistons, I don't even like you, but seriously let's go.

11:01- Weird close up on LeBron's face where he has some shifty eyes going like we're in the moment of realization in a soap opera. Chauncey hits a HUGE shot to make it 84-82 with half a minute to go. EW. TAKE DAVID BLAINE AWAY.

11:04- LeBron shockingly drains a huge shot to make it 86-82 with 16.3 seconds to go. The lights in "The Q" go all disco on us. Tayshaun Prince misses for three and The Neck Moustache is fouled with 6.3 seconds to go. Having actually gotten the score up in the high eighties, the Cavs have actually played this game to their advantage. "Look at [LeBron] in the huddle. Look at the leadership" cut to a shot of LeBron literally screaming at his teammates. Yes, look at the leadership.

Final Score: Cavs 88, Pistons 82.
Series: Pistons 2, Cavs 1.