LIVEBLOG: Yanks-Sox

7:34- Yankees are already up 3-0. This is good. I guess. I don't really like the Red Sox and I am predisposed to teams that build dynasties and adapt accordingly to maintain their talent level (Spurs, Pats). But you know, A-Rod does play for the Yankees.

7:37- Bonnie Bernstein joins us. I'm constantly confused by what she actually looks like when not under ten layers of fur and leather with a big hat on and standing next to Bill Belicheck. She's very pretty, is wearing tasteful makeup and jewelry, and seems to know what she's talking about. She's sort of awkwardly standing behind a dugout, though.

7:43- Jason Giambi saga. My brother: "Wow. Coked." First of all, Jason is an idiot. That is clear to all, naturally. The fact that his failed amphetamine test magicall surfaced days after he called for an apology from MLB and anyone else involved with steroids, confirms what I believe about the current steroid policy: more people are failing them than MLB lets on. Like, Pujols, Papi, Clemens--none of them are going to officially fail drug tests. Doesn't mean they aren't. I'm not saying they are, either, but I don't feel like Bud Selig is doing a good job of informing me if they are.

7:48- Yankees score on a hit from Derek Jeter. Obviously.

7:53- Andy Pettite looks like the traditional Italian-American player who should be from the Bronx and playing for the Yankees. Instead, he's a creepy Houston native who started dating his wife when she was in eighth grade and he was a junior in high school. Wily Mo Pena's name confuses me quite a bit, especailly without the second L in his first name.

8:01- A-Rod's charming elbowing from last night. The summary of almost any story involving Alex is that he is a woman.

8:08- Mr. April himself comes up, hits a double. Whoever's announcing with Berman here breathlessly details each minute aspect of A-Rod's success.

8:10- "It's hard to imagine this Red Sox team really falling at any point this season." Yes, of course. Just like how the Celtics got one of those picks last night. Apparently, Beckett, Schilling and Papelbon staying healthy and Manny Ramirez eventually heating up are absolute certainties. Almost as certain as Durant and Oden's success in the NBA.

8:14- We shoot down to Double-A Trenton to watch Clemens strike out some little kids. Followed that up with one of those Liberty Mutual commercials where everybody's helping each other out that blatantly rip off Pay It Forward. Fortunately, the movie adaptation of that book sucked, so everybody's forgotten.

8:17- The behind the plate sponsor is...The History Channel? That's a bit heavy handed, Yankee Stadium, isn't it? Manny beats out a groundball to third base because Alex is still a woman, if you will.

8:20- Apparently, Kevin Youkilis killed a squirrel and glued it to his chin. Good Lord, it's times like these I regret HDTV. He grounds into a double play after Cano makes a nice play on a hard hit groundball. Jeter holds up on Lowell's groundball to the 5-6 hole. He tosses it around a bit and grits his teeth so we all know he's upset.

8:24- "Walk It Out" plays over the Yankee Stadium speakers, proof that once you hear that song it will haunt you all day long, everyday with little "Now, walk it out, walk it out, walk it out"s ringing in your ears, until you play it again and again. It rivals "Edelweiss" in catchiness. Mientkiewicz hits a homerun off of Schill, 6-0 NY through 4.

8:35- Christ, Bobby Abreu throws up an arm like he's some Victorian woman out on a stroll, shielding herself from a rogue polo ball. He cusses in Spanish and now Boston has two on with no outs. Fortunately, Julio Lugo is there to line out to Andy who tosses it over to Cano on second to double off Pena. Oh, Wily Mo.

8:39- Coco Crisp pops (and snaps! and crackles!) out to A-Rod to end the inning. PIRATES COMMERCIAL! DUH! DUH! Dun-dun-dunna! I mean, I hated the last one, but, you know, I have high hopes for Friday. As long as there aren't long stretches of Orlando "Thanks, but I'd really rather watch paint dry" Bloom by himself on camera.

8:49- I still don't understand the facial hair that David Ortiz and Wily Mo have going on. It's like somebody cut out a chunk of the beard. Dude, I like Bonnie Bernstein. She gets all upset because she didn't get to call Manny's off the wall double a home run with a "back, back, back" and concludes her little sidebar on the Yankees' starting rotation with a really, really quick "back, back, back." Seriously, can we replace Joe Morgan with her? I'd pretty much be willing to take anyone other than Morgan, but still.

8:56- Orel Hershiser is rocking some Reagan Hair. I highly approve. He and Steve Phillips are wearing the same mint green shirt, though. With Berman's pink shirt, they all look like they're going to step into a Vineyard Vines ad or something. Lowell (who I totally thought was a steroid beneficiary after that slump year with Florida before they dumped him into the Beckett deal) drives Manny in, 6-1 Yanks.

9:23- Back from a shower to find a Baby Ruth commercial. Ew, that killed my feeling of cleanliness. Anyway, it's still 6-1, now in the bottom of the seventh. Jeter hits an absolutely dirty triple to the wall. And we shoot to the stands where three women in Yankees hats sitting one behind the other are all texting. Probably something about how they're getting ready to toss their panties at Jeter.

9:29- Orel discusses the ways "all those little voices crop up." Hmm. I wonder if voices contributed to Orel's parents naming him Orel. Morphine, perhaps? Donnelly (who's come in to pitch for Schill) has got some super hot rec-specs on. A-Rod's batting song is "This Is Why I'm Hot" which is so unsurprising it's almost shocking. He hits a very, very long fly ball that scores Jeter. 7-2 Yanks.

9:39- Coco Crisp blasts one off of Kyle Farnsworth. This is exactly why Clemens gets to do whatever the hell he wants, Kyle, because he doesn't let that happen. He walks Ortiz. NICE ONE, KYLE.

9:45- The Nats are winning! That happens so rarely. It also happens rarely that we actually get to see these games because Peter Angelos sued, like, God and decided that we in Northern Virginia can only watch the Orioles. KYLE. A BALK? KYLE, KYLE, KYLE. And then he lets Youkilis drive in Ortiz. Kyle, you sucked in Atlanta and you suck in New York. They get out of it with a pop up to Jeter.

9:50- I really don't like that ad where the piece of gum is singing opera. Giambi grounds out; he's the only Yankee without a hit. Mientkiewicz smokes a double to right. Damon brings him in 8-3, Yanks.

10:03- Mariano Rivera gives up a double down the line to Wily Mo. Mariano strikes out Pedroia and Lugo looking. Lugo gets all huffy about it and wags his finger from the dugout. Coco is neither classy nor fabulous and strikes out to end the game.

Final Score: Yankees 8, Red Sox 3.