LIVEBLOG: Footloose Part II

Let's get straight to it.

0:47:55- BC Ren takes Crazy Ariel, Rusty, and Willard across the state line somewhere to go dance. "Hurts So Good" is blasting, making this place totally worth it. Willard can't dance it turns out, so he just sits there drinking. Ah, 1983 when the drinking age was still 18. "Footloose" starts up again which seems totally out of character for this vaguely western, honky tonk sort of establishment. Rusty "can't help herself" and runs out to dance. A 35 year-old man with a Tom Selleck moustache, cowboy hat, and plaid flannel shirt begins to dance with her. Willard takes offense. After Tom Selleck Jr. tells Willard to "flake off" [for real], and Willard says something dirty, they fight despite Rusty's pleas for no fighting.

0:53:44- They drive over the bridge where the kids drove off years ago. Willard brings this up. Um, Willard, that was awkward, as we find out, because Crazy Ariel's brother was one of the kids.

0:54:52- Whoops. The Reverend called over to Rusty's while they were out dancing. Angry fighting ensues. Crazy Ariel says something that I assume is smart assy- I say assume, because it doesn't actually make sense- and then, THE REVEREND SLAPS HER.

0:53:37- Boring scene where The Creepy Mrs. Moore tells the Reverend to either buck up, or she'll leave him. Or something. I don't know, fast forward through this. It's dumb.

0:58:03- BC Ren is spreading the word about the dance. Emo hair and his goons gang up on him to tell him that Hot Chuck does not approve of this dance concept. Winnie Jo runs inside to get Clark Kent. Edna and Crazy Ariel screech up. Clark pushes three guys up against the wall and is amusing and hot. Clearly Superman. Apparently, to get this dance idea passed, BC Ren will have to go before the town council.

1:00:02- BC Ren teaches Willard how to dance to "Let's Hear It For the Boy" which will be stuck in your head for the rest of your life. The entire scene is pretty gay, culminating in them praticing ballroom dancing in the middle of the school gym and following it up with some wrestling. Then, they wear matching black cowboy boots. No joke.

1:03:35- The Reverend refused to help the Bowtie Jackass fire that English teacher. This means: he is a hypocrite.

1:04:25- Aw, yeah. Get ready for some crazy. Hot Chuck's waiting for Crazy Ariel in his truck under the bleachers. He knows why she doesn't like him anymore; he calls her out for wanting BC Ren, she calls him stupid. Nice comeback, there, Ariel. She slaps him, he hits her to the ground. Then she runs up and grabs a pipe out his truck and SMASHES THE HEADLIGHTS AND A WINDOW. He beats her up some more. As he's driving away, she picks up a handful of gravel and tosses it at the truck. This is probably the best moment in this movie.

1:07:05- Ren comes to help her. He's kind of a condescending ass to a girl who just was swinging a led pipe. She gives him a music box. After a few strains of the music box, the Eighties' Guitar of Romance (also see: Top Gun) kicks in and they kiss. Really, really awkwardly. Definitely not one of those onscreen kisses where you're like "hey, I'd really like to switch places with her."

1:09:53- Speaking of uncomfortable, the Reverend and Creepy Wife discuss the days when she used to get the hots for him. With or without music and dancing.

1:11:28- The town council meeting is tomorrow, and Crazy Black-Eyed Ariel has a gift for BC Ren. A Bible with passages about dancing! Okay, that was a pretty genius move. They KISS. In SCHOOL. Somewhere an angel dies.

1:13:18- Hot Chuck's goons throw a brick in the window of Uncle Bible's house. BC Ren's small cousins scream and cry. Uncle Bible yells at Ren to stop making his point- it's supposed to be threatening, but all you can really take away from the speech is that Ren inexplicably has an Aunt Lulu. Sappy scene with BC Ren and his mom ensues.

1:15:58- Town Council. Crazy Ariel is wearing a shirt that says "Dance Your Ass Off." She's standing in the back of the room, so presumably her father sees this shirt. Heh. The Reverend opposes BC Ren's motion, and the Creepy Wife looks exasperated. Uncle Bible agrees with the Reverend. Ass. Bowtie Jackass's wife gets up all angry until the Creepy Wife tells her to sit her ass down. BC Ren begins his relatively lame speech about dancing. Hot Chuck snickers from the back.

1:19:00- OH, HO HO. Ren starts reading from Psalm 118 about dancing- the camera cut is weird, though, and Ren is suddenly standing very erectly, holding the Bible like he's about to give a Shakespearian solliloquy. He jumps around and slams his fist on the table in front of the Reverend.

1:21:23- Shockingly, the motion failed. Ren's employer informs him that the next county literally starts about ten feet from where Ren works. DANCE: BACK ON.

1:22:21- Crazy Ariel enters the empty church, wearing a velvety black top and black jeans, where her father practices his sermon. She's jaded, etc. They argue about music, culminating in her screaming at him "I'm no saint, you know! I'M NOT EVEN A VIRGIN." Um, yeah. She then starts mocking religious forgiveness and they get into, like, a wrestling match before the church secretary runs in and completely ignores this telling him that the book burners are here.

1:25:30- The Reverend Hypocrite trots out again to tell the Bowtie Jackass and his wife that they shouldn't be burning books and to go home.

1:26:40- BC Ren comes over to talk to the Reverend about dancing, or something. Crazy Ariel lurks in the shadows as one does. The Reverend calls BC Ren, "your friend Ren" which...you know how she said she wasn't a virgin, Reverend? Well, I'd say Big City Ren McCormick's probably going to get a ride on the Crazy Train sometime soon. They make up.

1:28:51- Church. The Reverend is not screaming, so you know he's about to approve the dance. The music kicks up as the Reverend does indeed approve the dance and then Ren and Ariel smile at each other across the aisle in a very "we will hook up later" manner.

1:31:38- Kenny Loggins Song #2: "Heaven Helps the Man." Everyone inexplicably has a motorbike. Then, they go to the barn and get all musical-like cleaning up the place.

1:32:15- DANCE NIGHT. Creepy Wife earns her title by telling her daughter about eight times without blinking that she looks great. Which...she doesn't. She looks better in every other scene in this film, including the one where she's bleeding.

1:33:06- BC Ren pulls up in a red tux, making him look like some kind of waiter, and tells Ariel that she's beautiful. Which, again, wrong. But, I guess he has to say that if he wants to get some tonight.

1:34:25- The dance is predictably middle schoolish, with nobody dancing and everybody separate. There is a TON of food, though. Clearly, all the Christian Coallition Parents needed was the Reverend's hesitant, tacit approval and suddenly the oven's were fired up. An awesomely cheesy song "Almost Paradise" blares. Finally, Ren and Ariel get there and start dancing.

1:36:10- I guess Ariel's parents trailed her there. They hop out of their truck and look on at the lit up barn, while wearing matching sweaters. Old People Romance- fast forward.

1:38:01- Apparently, trailing is the popular thing in Beaumont. Hot Chuck and his goons have followed Willard and Rusty. Willard reiterates his promise to Rusty that he won't fight. Three guys come at him and he hits the ground, while one grabs her. Willard: "What do you want me do, Rusty?" Rusty: "KILL THE SON OF A BITCH." Best line of the movie. Ren runs up and then they both somehow kick the shit out of five guys. Whatever.

1:40:14- Final Dance Sequence. With glitter all about, and just one quick shot of Clark Kent, everyone suddenly is a professional dancer and totally willing to dance. There are literally nine shots of Lori Singer (Crazy Ariel) screaming, smiling, and/or laughing. Once you're looking for that, you will start cracking up by the end of the scene. Well, that's pretty much it. I mean, what else can you ask for.