LIVEBLOG: Pistons-Cavs Game 6

Okay, first of all, I'm still angry as hell that I didn't watch Game 5. Second, the two lessons I learned in blogging Footloose: that the pause button is not my friend, and that I am somewhat incapable of being funny and not describing every minute detail when watching something I actually like. I may try again soon with this. That should be delicious.

10:44- I heard that LeBron only took two shots in the first half, so I figured I needed to get in on this. Rip Hamilton drains a three, tying the game at 61 with 4-and-a-half to go. When I see the cursive text tattoo on Larry Hughes's neck, I kind of wonder how absolutely ridiculous I would look with a similar tattoo. Nobody would take me seriously. Ever.

10:47- A big flashing light reflects off the court as McDyess is at the line. What does it say "MISS MISS MISS"? Stever discusses the misconception that Drew Gooden and his neck moustache are needed. I disagree, unless they always need him and he's never, ever there. Daniel "Looks What I Imagine Chris Brown Looks Like" Gibson, The Rookie from Texas for three. Cavs 65, Pistons 63 with 2:20 to go in the third.

10:51- Well, Daniel "LWIICBLL" Gibson, TRfT looks somewhat like Chris Brown. Chris Brown is really smiley and happy, though (as one would expect with the shortie like his, and the running it and all) while Daniel...isn't.

11:01- The fourth quarter starts with the Cavs up by one. LeBron is 1-5 from the floor tonight; DG, TRfT hits another three. With all that abbreviation I feel like I should be phrasing that: "DG, TRfT 4 3 lolz...u goin 2 da mall 2nite wit us?" While I'm typing this out- took me an absurdly long time- DG, TRfT hits ANOTHER THREE. Just dirrrty. Cavs 73, Pistons 67 with 10:45 to go.

11:07- I think I just saw Usher. At the game. Not here at my house. Were he at my house, I don't think I'd be preoccupying myself with anything other than undressing. DG, TRfT AGAIN. Jesus. He has 21 one points...and his age ain't gonna stop him now? Sorry. I download "Shortie Like Mine" while we go to commercial with the Cavs up 10 points with 8:11 to go and DG, TRfT at the line.

11:16- Dirty Rasheed gets called for an offensive foul after he charges through Shirley, who have been, like, grinding under the basket like it's 2003 and "Get Busy" is playing. Rasheed gets called for a T, his seventh, which means that should there be a seventh game, he will not play in it. Also, the seventh Harry Potter book will come out. Probably at the same time. Lord knows these playoffs are going to last until about July 21.

11:20- DG, TRfT HITS ANOTHER THREE. Shia LeBeauf turned out, surprisingly, kind of hot; Transformers turned out, unsurprisingly, kind of lame looking. If it were fifty years ago, though, "Shia LeBeauf" would be "Kenneth Scotsdale," "James Weston," or something equally WASPy.

11:27- This game is quickly devolving into a free for all as the Pistons go small and we've got about eight guards on the floor. I mean, people are tripping over each other, passing it to their defenders, tossing at strange points on the floor. DG, TRfT hits a short jumper, giving him 31 for the night. Marv Albert informs us that he was sixth in his class in high school, which has totally made me love DG, TRfT. I like to be informed about these people. For example, ever since Jeff Francoeour shared with us all that he "[hates] books," I have no use for his ability to not take a pitch.

11:31- "At Orkin, knowledge is our best weapon"? Um, isn't it actually pressurized insect poison? I've met Joe, or "the Orkin guy," many times over the past few years and I'd say knowledge is not his best weapon.

11:35- Rip fouls out. Aw, Rip. You deserve better than these old fools and Chauncey Billups. Mike Brown, the man who failed to play DG, TRfT and Pavlovic (whose name I always read as Pavlov) for most of the season, is congratulated and recognized for "his achievement."

11:39- The Cleveland Cavaliers will make it to the NBA Finals for the first time in their history...where the Spurs will shoot lazers out of their eyes and, like, employ Michael Bay's TRANSFORMERS to completely devour the Cavs. Ilgauskas and LeBron hug for an extended period of time. I would not have paired them up.

11:42- Billups has taken his jersey off, and has my permission to do so at any time he pleases. Some used car salesman that TNT employs interviews DG, TRfT who has some really nice teeth.