Random Mini LiveBlog: The Hills

I'm anxiously anticipating the moment that Elodie leaps up from behind her desk and assaults Heidi with a stapler. I mean, seriously, Heidi, are you a river boat captain? Is it seer-sucker Thursday out in LA?

Cleaned-up and sober Jason is geeky and sweet in a way he most certainly was not before.

Heidi and Spencer are like our talentless John and Yoko: the obnoxious extreme of pop culture who just keep looking more and more alike. Their problem is that their bitchiness is the least fantastic bitchiness to ever exist. It's tacky, it's unecessary, and...Jesus, I hate Spencer. He's a whiny psychopath that looks like an overgrown toddler alien mouth-breather with heroin addict hair with some of the most ridiculous veneers I've ever seen.

Okay, MTV, this Kaya business honestly is being advertised like Degrassi. If it's 10% as fantastically cheesy and awesome, we'll be straight. But if we get that angsty monologue about "giving them a rockstar" I will not be happy.

Also, Amanda Bynes needs to sue her agent for letting her look so...bloated and orangey in Sydney White. Pre-teen girls like "relatable" actresses, not actually relatable actresses. They want to watch a movie and go "That's what I will look like when I'm in college dating a drrrreeeeaaammmyy boy," as opposed to looking at their friend next to them and saying to themselves "damn, Tay needs highlights just as bad as Amanda Bynes."

YES. ELODIE. Give Heidi the ol' one-two punch in the gut there. I'm frankly surprised this didn't happen seasons ago as Heidi blathered onto you about that dude she used to date who didn't go to school and wore that knit hat all the time. In LA. During, what I seem to recall was the summer. Whitney has a high tolerance for this sort of thing because she's age appropriate, seems nice, and actually works at her job. And naturally, since gossip is what got me through finals week alive last semester, I can sympathize. Still, that girl Audrina bores to tears will probably snap in a few episodes.

The next week's on this show are always about ten times better than the actual show. I'm pumped for Jason getting engaged and Whitney doing shots with that band.